|playing with my mind
||[Jan. 18th, 2005|02:35 pm]
|||||muse - absolution||]|
At this point in my life, I feel like I'm the foreman of construction area. I have these blueprints for my ideas, and I've got some foundations layed. But influences keep sneaking up on me, and that makes me change bits and pieces of the original design. So I have to call back the workers that I sent to the right wing of the building and tell them that "there have been some changes."
I see in my mind, this skeleton of a building. The bare 2x4's awaiting sheetrock. Drills and hammers can be heard in the background. It smells like sawdust. That building represents all of my thoughts/opinions on the world and the actions in it. I read quite a lot, and I love talking to different people, so my opinions are constantly subject to change. Then I have to rethink things, and my building gets restructured.
At first, I didn't like this, but the more I think about it, the less I want it to be any other way. Eventually, a good deal of the house will remain unchanging, and I'll be done for the most part, but you should never stop rethinking things.
I'm just glad that I'm not like I used to be. My ideas were card castles, easily tipped or distorted. I'm beginning to find myself and my opinions and that makes things so much clearer.
I remember when I used to feel apprehensive when I started a philosophical conversation with someone because I didn't know who to be for my end of the talking. After all, who was I? But the confidence that's building now because of the assurance of certain truths helps me to combat what other's would have me believe. I can talk to my mom for the first time in years without crying too much. It really feels good. And I just thought that I'd share. Sorry, I don't know how to put this behind a link... not very good with computers.
Thanks for listening, and do try and have a good afternoon.